The holidays are upon us. Is your teen already asking for the new iPhone 8 for Christmas? Or is he insisting on watching the latest Marvel movie in recliners? Have you ever wondered how to instill gratitude in your teen, instead of entitlement? Here are three ways to do it:
1. Make sure your kids have chores and do not pay your kids to do chores
I know this sounds weird because a lot of children get an allowance, but if you decide to give your children allowance, it needs to be separate from the chores that they do. My husband and I have always taught our kids that it's our home, we all live here, so we all need to take care of it. We have five children, so there are five main chores:
1) dishes: washing all dishes and cookware, wiping down the sink, countertop, and stove-top
2) bathroom: scrubbing the toilet, sink, and tub, wiping vanity and sweeping floor
3) table: clearing and wiping the dining table after each meal, and picking up crumbs under it
4) sweeping & vacuuming the entire house
5) trash: emptying all trash bins in the home, relining them, and taking the bin down our driveway for pick up
We have a chore chart with our kid’s names and the chores, and it is rotated weekly. You can get a free customized chore chart when you subscribe to my newsletter!
My kids began these chores when they were 7 years old and started washing dishes at 10 years old. Yes, a 7-year-old can clean the bathroom! All it takes is demonstrating and patience. Of course, we went through a learning curve. When my son first began dish duty, we all got tired of eating off plates with food crusted on them, so we fired him. He couldn't have been happier. But after a while, I realized this was not helping him. So I stood by his side as he washed and made him rewash if they weren't clean enough. Soon he got the hang of doing it right the first time. My kids also do their laundry, including washing, drying, folding and putting away their clothes. They also work together to take care of family laundry such as towels and bedding. My two oldest children, who are now in college, always say how grateful they are because it made their transition to college easier since cleaning and doing laundry was not a new task for them.
Don't get me wrong, my husband and I also pitch in since our kids are extremely busy with school and sports and other extracurricular activities. However, if they don't do their chores, they don't dare ask to go out on weekends or have friends over.
2. Model respect and instill the importance of kindness
When I was growing up, I was taught to respect my elders. I was taught that manners matter and that sassing my parents was not acceptable. I know that as parents we all want our children to be respectful, but it really must start in the home. Parents must be kind to their children and model respect for one another. Saying please and thank you must be a habit from the start. Part of being respectful is also being genuinely kind. Not only are my children kind to their peers, but from kindness stems respect and so they are respectful to their elders as well.
3. Serve others
For children to appreciate what they have and express gratitude, they must be taught to serve others. Fortunately, we have had many service opportunities in our family. And we have involved our children in service projects from a young age. Your financial situation should not govern whether you serve others or not. I remember when my children were very young, our family income was probably a third of what it is now. My husband had a co-worker who’s wife just had a baby and had 5 other kids in a small apartment. We let our kids choose Christmas gifts for each of their kids and delivered the gifts along with food. When my kids met the other kids and saw their smiles, it was as if nothing else mattered. My kids completely forgot about all the things they wanted for Christmas. Our family has participated in feeding the homeless, and it has taught my kids that they are very fortunate. This is a good lesson for them, especially because my children were amongst the last of their schoolmates to get phones. In fact, my two youngest still don't have phones of their own. Whenever they start comparing themselves to friends, I remind them of the roof over their heads, the cars we drive, the food we have. My children are also involved in Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts, which provides many service opportunities.
In conclusion, no matter what your financial status is, you can teach your kids not to feel entitled. Provide opportunities for them to serve in the home, serve family members, as well as in the community. Good manners are the root of a respectful child. Teach your children to be kind. Show them that no matter how awful they think their life is, how unfair things are, there is always someone who has it worse. Show them that serving others brings the best feeling.
May your children be hard-working, respectful, and kind!
Happily Yours,
Mahele