Setting Your Child Up For Success
I remember each time I was pregnant, I imagined greatness for each child. Then each time I held my newborn after giving birth, I looked into those beautiful brown eyes and thought, “What a gift you are. I am going to do all I can to help you succeed in life and be happy.” I’m sure as moms, we all want the best for our children. We want them to succeed (although everyone’s view of success is different).
How do we measure success?
In my opinion, my children are successful if they are kind, honest, able to problem solve, able to support themselves financially, and have meaningful relationships.
When kids are toddlers, parents are constantly reminding them to share and tell the truth. From the start we encourage them to properly greet others and introduce themselves. We are so proud when our 3-year-old can say their name and age and birthday. Any full sentences are met with great celebration. Every preschool and kindergarten graduation consists of the children standing up and declaring what they want to be when they grow up. As parents we dream of success for our children.
But how do we really set our children up for success?
Develop a relationship with your child- give your child love, care, and time; let your child know that he/she is important to you
Model healthy behavior and encourage positive relationships- talk to your child with respect and in a tone that shows you are interested in his/her opinion.
Establish routines and be consistent and honest
Set high expectations
Put priority on hard work
Encourage an entrepreneurial mindset
Time really is the most important gift we can give our children. If they feel loved and important, they will not only develop self-confidence, but they will have the desire to please you too. By giving your children attention, showing genuine concern and interest in their lives, and having conversations with them, they will strive to meet your definition of success.
Being a good role model is so important. If you feel like being a good student, a good athlete, going to college, having a great job, etc. equals success, then these things must be modeled. We can’t just sit around watching television or surfing social media when we’re home with our children. We must take care of ourselves, seek knowledge, exercise, surround ourselves with positive people, and treat our family members with respect. The other day my son said, “Mom, when you talk to other people you have to ask questions and let them talk more than you talk so that they feel like you are really interested in them.” My husband almost fell back in astonishment. He was so amazed that my son actually remembered something from the podcast my husband listens to in his car. It’s those things that are important. Show your kids that learning never stops. Even adults continue seeking self-improvement. It’s so important to have daily conversations with your children. Find out what their interests are, what makes them happy, what makes them sad. “Actions speak louder than words.” Show them that they are important.
In order for our children to succeed out in the real world, they must be prepared for it. There’s structure in the real world. Schedules, routines, and rules are all part of life. Although teens pretend to hate rules and routines, in the end your child will thank you for structure as opposed to chaos. But when it comes to establishing rules and routines there’s no exact right way. Do what fits your lifestyle and your child’s personality and your own personality. Just be consistent with whatever you set forth. Consistency is key. And honesty goes hand in hand with consistency. When you say you’re going to do something, do it. If you make a promise to your child, keep it. If you put something on your calendar, keep that commitment at all cost.
“Shoot for the moon and if you miss you will still be amongst the stars.” That is what my husband’s best man said in his toast to us on our wedding day twenty years ago. I love that popular quote and I’ve ingrained it in my children. They know I expect them to try their best at everything they do. Children must know that failure is a part of life. Teach them to get up, dust themselves off, and keep moving forward. In my home the expectation is to get straight A’s on report cards. So that’s what they aim for. If they don’t get straight A’s, they get B’s too, but they still get above a 3.0 GPA. Yes, they’ve gotten an occasional C too, but consequences were already discussed ahead of time and definitely carried out. Also, when my children decide to try a sport or join a team/club, they must put in extra time to be skillful in that sport. If they commit to something, then quitting is not an option. But if they try their best, attend all practices and games for the entire season, then decide it’s not for them, they can stop and move on to something else. For example, as young children both of my boys played baseball. We committed as a family to the sport for two years. We even went to extra practices. Then one day both my boys expressed how they didn’t enjoy baseball and would rather focus on jiu jitsu and family time. So that was the end of baseball for us. I don’t consider that quitting. If you commit to something, but don’t put effort in, or fail once, then give up, then that’s quitting. The bottom line is set high expectations so that your kids are always striving for the best and even if they don’t achieve “best,” they’ll still be great.
An important factor in setting your child up for success is to teach the importance of hard work. No matter what your financial status is, even if you have maids and cooks, make your child work hard. I’ve read so many real life success stories, and every one of them talks about how hard work helped them reach their goals. Margaret Thatcher said, “I do not know anyone who has got to the top without hard work. That is the recipe. It will not always get you to the top, but should get you pretty near.” Having a good work ethic is so important.
Last, but certainly not least, the most important way to set your child up for success is to teach them to have an entrepreneurial mindset. This is just my own opinion, but let me explain why. Entrepreneurs look for better ways to do things. They are problem solvers which leads to better ways of doing things. Entrepreneurs are always thinking of how to turn a dream into a reality. They are open to change. At the core of their belief is “insanity is continuing to do the same things you have always done, and expect different results.” They learn from failure and keep moving forward. Entrepreneurs look beyond the traditional 9-5 job and search for ways to make money even while asleep. Entrepreneurs help others to reach their goals. By teaching kids to have an entrepreneurial mindset, parents instill transferable, life-long skills.
If we want our children to be successful, we need to discuss with them how success is defined in our family. We cannot let social media and friends dictate success for our children. There needs to be constant open communication and team work. They need to know we are not only on their side, but that we are their biggest cheerleader.
However, we must also accept that while we can guide them, ultimately, they will make decisions for themselves that will determine their success. Don’t beat yourself up when your children make mistakes. Focus instead on enjoying today, and building a loving relationship with your child.
“If you want your children to turn out well, spend twice as much time with them & half as much money” ~ Abigail Van Buren
